Good Enough
by Canadino
Summary: Horo contemplates how he's not good enough for the crimson-eyed martyr...


**Disclaimer: If Shaman King were mine, I wouldn't need to write fanfics. If any of these songs were mine, I wouldn't be writing fanfics.**

Background music: Good Enough – Evanescence

Good Enough

At first glance, he was already enraptured by her beauty, alien as it seemed. It didn't diminish despite her sitting next to Lyserg (most things seemed to pale in comparison to the pretty Brit). No, it seemed to glow, each of her features – her crimson eyes that still had the sparkle of innocence despite also being filled with the hardships of the world; her tiny smile that revealed her reserved yet compassionate side. This had been his first real look at Jeanne, at Yoh's meeting. He had been a bit turned off the first time he saw her, what with her just executing a murder with blood all around her. He had vowed never to like the X-Laws with their gory ways of justice, but just this look made him wonder if they were all bad.

He had never been very good at hiding his feelings. "Maiden is cute, isn't she?" This hadn't gone heard by the girl herself, but others had caught his admittance, namely Chocolove, who had done a total Ren and shot out his hand to slap him back to reality, accidentally catching the real Ren by accident. Pirka had also heard and was mixed between amusement and frustration; after all, Horo always had a weakness for girls.

Although he was obviously infatuated with the girl, Horo wondered if Jeanne would ever look at him the same way. Well…first things first, did she even know he existed? Yes, she did, although maybe to the basics of 'he's someone also attending this meeting'. What next? If she somehow actually knew him, would she fall for him? Would she even have reason to?

He compared their Shaman Tournament goals: his was to preserve the Earth while she was trying to save the whole world. Both involved the salvation of life, but hers seemed so much more better, so much more important. It even sounded ten times better. Just watching her accept the world's suffering made him feel guilty. He thought he was going through so much already but it was nothing compared to her pains. He knew he himself couldn't stand even a minute in the iron maiden, but Jeanne withstood hours, even days of torture. She was already so much more emotionally stronger, never mind the fact that near death experiences boost furyoku.

She had watched almost all of her teammates die a gruesome, gory death at the hands of Hao and his minions. What did he have to account to that? The only one he watched truly die was Ren – and Ren didn't even stay dead. It was thanks to the Maiden's compassion that he was raised back from the dead.

Would she have reason to run to a man for comfort? She seemed so independent and self-sufficient from the start. Maybe killing people for the sake of justice was wrong, but she could stomach it without so much as flinching while most men would have turned away. Horo wondered if she was emotionally scarred, but how could he know for sure? She would never show it and he wondered if it was the only thing she knew: her and her justice. Everything she did was for the sake of 'justice'. It was a difficult and painful task, but the girl was one to step up to the plate and delivered. Would she really need a man by her side when she could take care of an army alone?

Besides, even should she need a knight to protect her, she wasn't without so many choices, who already knew her much better than he did. Lyserg, being so much closer to her age than the other men in the X-Laws, was probably one of the top contenders, if he didn't already have a crush on Yoh-tachi. Marco was the other obvious runner-up, being her right hand man and top supporter at that. Horo had heard from Yoh that Jeanne had prevented the zealous blonde from committing suicide. Didn't that show more care toward someone other than him? And since when did she ever exhibited feelings like that toward him? Never.

He didn't deserve her at all. She was a world beauty and he was only decent-looking at best (although contradicted by Ren, but what did that boy know?). He was always scuffed up and always thought to be a thug or at least someone who dropped out of grade school. Jeanne always looked her best, even covered with her own blood. When she was outside the iron maiden, she always managed to look as if she was going to dinner with the gods. What would he look like next to her? Even if he dressed up, the two of them wouldn't look exactly right together.

It wasn't like Horo was without people after him, either. Ren was a homicidal egotistical brat, but he had put his pride down enough to tell Horo how he felt. Horo respected him for that, but although he was quite open-minded with his relationships, he couldn't bring himself to like Ren. It was just too easy. All it took was just a few words and some well-placed touches and he would have Ren in the palm of his hand (yes, unbelievable for the Tao who self-proclaimed he didn't need anyone else). He liked the hard-to-get challenges, ones that took you forever to win. Jeanne was a perfect example of this, and thus, his attraction.

Though, how he was going to live up to her self-sacrifice, was beyond him. Many people were willing to give up a lot for their dreams, but even the most determined had a limit. He would admit even though he always said he would do _anything_ for his own dream, he knew there was a point he would refuse to cross. The Maiden, however, seemed willing to give up even her own freedom for the good of humanity. She was a martyr in the truest sense. What did he have any business with the holy girl?

He was just over his head, trying to walk on water, to float on a cloud. It was just never going to happen. He was just a tiny footnote directing the reader to another page in the book of Jeanne's life.

Still, his stubborn personality refused to let it go. It was never over until _he_ said it was over. And didn't he support Yoh? "Everything's going to be alright."

So he figured then and there that he would fight for her too. It was a secret addition to his own dream, her supporter despite not being in the X-Laws. He liked her, yes, but he would not join that white cult. He wouldn't belong or fit in, even with Lyserg there. He would be there to back her up, like a superhero in the shadows, until the world was saved and she could settle down and finally have time to get to notice him.

And then, maybe…he would be good enough.

Owari

Note: Wow. My first normal girlboy pairing (except my lame early YohxAnna ones). I actually like this one. You don't see a lot of HoroxJeanne fics around, even though it's such a widely supported pairing. If you've read the manga, you know Horo shows interest in her, and in the real ending being published later this year, he actually reveals who he likes. I don't understand the HoroxTamao pairing since they don't even talk much (no offence to fans). But whatever. It's my own thinking. I've realized most of my fics are long based on dialogue but this was super short and big paragraphs due to just thought. Different style? Please feel free to comment, question, or criticize. Review, please and thank you!


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